Recently, I went back through the files in my old computer to dig up poetry I no longer remember writing. I wrote this one in March 2016 and edited it in March 2019.

Pad

Tears trim her eyes like baseboards
Barely glued onto eyelids puffed from
Water absorption and exhaustion.
Hair is frozen on her neck from a
Hot shower taken hours ago:
She’s too tired to dry it and it’s too wet to sleep.
Now, hours ago feels like days and
She can’t remember the last
Time she stood on strong legs.
She’s scared to stand now because her legs shiver,
Trembles run through them and they’re
Crossed. Tears run through muscle fibers
That haven’t done a thing: done nothing, in fact, but
Carry her weight and several synonyms for fear
Stapled through her back. There’s a reason
She needs sleep, a reason her legs give
And her humor crumbles and her hands shake.
Her heart tipped through the heart-shaped
Hole in her chest and it shivers on the pavement.
She can’t catch her breath and her heart can’t catch
A break and her legs can’t move.
She can’t scream because she’s worried
She’ll bother the neighbors and she can’t go to
Sleep because her heart is on the pavement.
Hello? Are you there?
Her hands are shaking, legs are stuck and
Her eyes are frozen, mind is quaking inside her skull
So she can’t hear her best friend say I love you.
Tears trim her eyes like baseboards and maybe
If she could get a nap, a haircut, a tattoo and a broom
Maybe she would be okay again. Maybe she could
Be okay again. She would stop sleeping so much
And stop lying awake; her legs would
Hold her and her hands wouldn’t shake
And her heart would stop slapping
The pavement; the seams would hold and the hole
Would close and the world would slow so she could
Catch up.

Stay gold,
Sabrina